


Star Trekkin' Across the Milky Way

by Gracia



Series: Forgive The Insubordination [7]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Destroy Ending, Drinking, Epic Cheese, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Overdramatic Ending, Post-Mass Effect 3, Star Trekkin', Tribbles (Star Trek)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2015-05-20
Packaged: 2018-03-31 12:09:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3977485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gracia/pseuds/Gracia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard and her crew celebrate the end of the Reaper War and Shepard regaining consciousness. The crew discovers that an old Earth song based on the show "Star Trek" has been rewritten to detail Shepard and the Reapers and is currently being sung by drunken officers stood at the bar.</p><p>A little fluff piece post-Mass Effect 3. Ultra happy end~</p><p>RIP Leonard Nimoy :(</p>
            </blockquote>





	Star Trekkin' Across the Milky Way

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo this is an odd but totally fun story. A cute little piece inspired by the amusingly terrible 1980s song "Star Trekkin'" (a parody song from Star Trek the original series). If you haven't heard it, then well, time to educate yourself... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCARADb9asE
> 
> Also I just love that Joker is a Trekkie. I was going to rewrite the entire song with all the other crew members too but I got lazyyy.
> 
> I've been wanting to write a post-ME3 story for a little while.
> 
> Enjoy!

‘What _are_ they singing?’ Garrus murmured, eyeing a group of drunken officers across the bar. Shepard scowled in the general direction of group. Garrus was surprised by the disgusted expression on Shepard’s face until he paused to listen to the lyrics. The tune he didn’t recognise. It sounded old, dated and undoubtedly out of tune. He heard Shepard’s name (or more accurately “Shep”) mentioned multiple times in what sounded like some sort of chorus.

_There’s Reapers coming across space, across space, across space._

_There’s Reapers coming across space, beat them back, Shep!_

 

When he looked back at Shepard her head was on the table and she was groaning into it.

‘Urm, Shepard-‘

‘Don’t talk to me. I’m not here.’

James laughed richly and hummed along to the singing. Across from Shepard, Garrus noticed Tali frozen with her straw halfway to her mask also listening to the words. To Shepard’s right, Joker was laughing so hard he could hardly speak.

‘Urmm-‘ Tali mimicked Garrus’ unspoken question and Joker had to wipe tears from his eyes before he could answer.

‘It’s an old Earth song based on some vids called _Star Trek_.’

‘ _Star Trek_.’ Garrus repeated flatly, the usual reverb in his voice almost dropping away entirely. Joker looked mildly horrified.

‘Oh come on. You haven’t seen _Star Trek?_ Captain Kirk? Spock? The Enterprise? _Tribbles!_ ’

‘I don’t know what any of those things are.’

‘And I’m not sure we want to.’ Tali chimed in.

‘ _Star Trekkin’_ , a song from 1987, depicts a parody of the hit television series _Star Trek_ which follows Captain James T. Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise-’ EDI confirmed and Joker looked like he wanted have kissed her for her ability to relay information about _Star Trek_.

‘Space: the final frontier.’ Joker began dramatically with a prophetic wave of his arms. ‘These are the voyages of the starship  _Enterprise_. Its continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before!’ Joker finished with a grin.

‘You know that _does_ sound a little like the _Normandy_...’ Tali admitted and Garrus couldn’t help but consider the Omega 4 Relay and the Rachni Queen. The _Normandy_ certainly _did_ go where no man had gone before.

Bang. Bang. Bang. Softly Shepard’s forehead beat against the table as though trying to beat the lyrics out of her head. Tali’s mask nodded up and down as she watched Shepard’s skull tapping away.

‘And they rewrote the lyrics based on the _Normandy_ and Shepard?’

‘That’s right.’ Joker affirmed with an almost proud tone to his voice. ‘Commander, you’ll crack your skull open.’

‘Just make it stop. This song is ridiculous.’

‘Better than the Krogan songs that’s for sure.’ Garrus commented as Tali started humming along with the chorus happily.

‘Stupid song. Stupid stupid song.’ Shepard muttered into the table. She finally lifted her head back up and scowled across the table at her crew as though daring them to join in. ‘This is all I heard for months while I was incarcerated before the Reaper attack. When the Council convinced everyone I was lying about the Reaper attack….’

‘But you _were_ right.’

‘As if that was any comfort at the time.’ She crossed her arm across her ample chest, glaring at the men at the bar still singing the tune on loop. ‘The men in the barracks would sing it in my ear shot. I bet they weren’t singing it when-‘ She stopped dead and her eyes connected with Garrus. He saw the sorrow in her eyes and she quickly looked away. ‘Needless to say, I don’t like the song. _Either_ version.’

‘One day they’ll bring out a cover version, Commander. All about you.’ Cortez commented with a grin when Shepard glanced his way he quickly buried it into his glass.

‘They are singing it to celebrate, Shepard.’ Liara replied softly and Shepard’s frown only deepened. ‘After all, you _did_ defeat the Reapers.’

 

_It’s worse than that she’s dead, Ceb, dead, Ceb, dead, Ceb_

_It’s worse than that she’s dead, Ceb, dead, Ceb, DEAD!_

‘Ceb?’ Garrus queried with a throaty laugh as he glanced towards the human males.

‘Cerberus.’ James, Cortez and Joker all replied in unison.

‘I need a drink.’ Shepard grumbled, she rose out of her seat. Still a little shaky from her surgery and Garrus instinctively reached out to catch her. She batted his hand away with a playful smile.

‘Stop worrying.’

‘Only if you stop being so damn rash, Shepard.’

 

_Star Trekkin’ across the Milky Way_

_On the Starship Normandy under Commander Shep_

_Star Trekkin’ across the Milky Way_

_Only coming back to keep danger at bay!_

Tali giggled, causing a scowl from Shepard that darkened her whole face. It was clear the song held unsavoury memories for Shepard. She rarely talked about her time grounded in Vancouver.

‘I prefer the lyrics: _Only coming back to save the goddamn day_.’ Joker added and Cortez nodded his agreement.

‘Terrible lyrics. Terrible song. Terrible show.’ Shepard muttered and Joker gasped, clutching at his heart with a mockingly hurt expression.

‘She’s lying. It’s the best show from the era. The golden age of vids.’

‘I preferred Picard.’ Cortez said between shots of asari liquor.

‘Traitor.’

Joker and Cortez followed that vein for a while as Garrus watched Shepard sauntered over to the bar, trying to still her slight limp. She’d only been out of hospital a handful of days and was drinking (against doctor’s orders). She was wearing a short green dress that beautifully accentuated the emerald of her eyes and her long shapely legs. Scars kissed her skin but what was Commander Shepard without a few war wounds?

When they’d dug her out of the wreckage after the destruction of the Reapers, Garrus had been sure she was dead. He’d scooped her up himself and heard that soft, weak gasp of air. Then Shepard said one sentence:

_Following orders, Vakarian._

And she had followed his orders. She had come back to him and she fought on primitive life support for months. He was sure he would lose her – again. He wasn’t sure he would have been able to bear another funeral.

But Shepard was never one to disappoint. She even received a formal apology from the Council – now _that_ was a first.

Garrus was snapped out of his thoughts when Shepard stopped behind the group of soldiers still happily singing along ( _It’s worse than that, it’s Reapers, Shep!_ and then back to _There’s Reapers coming across space, across space, there’s Reapers coming across space – Blow them up, Shep!)_ and Shepard cleared her throat loud enough for Garrus to hear over the booming music. One of the officers started to move aside to allow Shepard passage to the bar, and then froze when he recognised her. He did a double take, his eyes widened and he snapped to a wobbly salute.

‘Commander Shepard!’ He announced sharply. His pals scrambled to follow suit, clearing a space for Shepard at the bar. Garrus finally decided to join her and nodded his head at the men as they saluted him smartly. ‘Sir.’

‘At ease.’ Shepard said.

‘Yes, ma’am.’ They sing-songed in unison and then proceeded to look very awkward. Shepard leaned across the bar to order drinks. He still couldn’t believe she was truly alive, truly stood there tall and proud – the woman who defeated the Reapers and saved the galaxy from an ever-repeating loop of destruction.

‘Great song. I really love what you’ve done with the lyrics.’ Garrus said with a grin which the officers returned in kind after cautious glances in Shepard’s direction.

‘Don’t encourage them, Garrus. They’ll include you next.’ Shepard told him, sipping at her drink. Garrus turned to the humans with the widest turian grin he could manage, so wide his mandibles hurt.

‘Oh, would you?’

Shepard choked on her drink. ‘Are you serious, Vakarian?’

‘You’re just jealous because my verses would be better than yours.’

The men looked back and forth between Shepard and Garrus, unsure of what to do or say. So instead, they did the smart thing and started to sing again.

Shepard shook her head with a sigh.

‘You’re all hopeless.’

Garrus wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close.

‘Thank you for staying alive.’

She smiled warmly. ‘Well, I couldn’t wait that long for that drink at the big bar in the sky. I knew you’d be late. So I just _had_ to come back.’

Shepard pushed a drink towards him as the crew piled over to the bar, singing along to the terrible lyrics.

‘To the Normandy!’ Shepard announced, holding her glass high, her eyes shining with held back tears.

‘And to continuing to boldly go  where no man – or turian – has gone before!’ Joker said, holding his own glass up.  Garrus saw a smile reach Sherpard’s eyes and she almost seemed to glow with a happiness he hadn’t seen in her since she regained consciousness (or maybe that was her biotics).

‘Thank you – all of you – for coming back for me.’ And before the tears could leave her eyes, Shepard downed her drink.  


End file.
